Qualities: FRIEDAN'S FEMININITY

The feminine mystique says that the highest value and the only commitment for women is the fulfillment of their own femininity. It says that the great mistake of Western culture, through most of its history, has been the undervaluation of this femininity. It says this femininity is so mysterious and intuitive and close to the creation and origin of life that man-made science may never be able to understand it. But however special and different, it is in no way inferior to the nature of man; it may even in certain respects be superior. The mistake, says the mystique, the root of women’s troubles in the past is that women envied men, women tried to be like men, instead of accepting their own nature, which can find fulfillment only in sexual passivity, male domination, and nurturing maternal love.
–Betty Friedan, The Feminine Mystique, 1963

I know I have the body of a weak and feeble woman; but I have the heart and stomach of a king, and of a King of England, too.
–Elizabeth I, to the Royal Navy waiting for the Spanish Armada, 1588

One is not born a woman, one becomes one.
–Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex, 1950

We live in the age of history’s greatest revolutions, greater even than those that destroyed ancient thinking and empires. In our recent lifetime, half the world has changed to democracy and market economy. Science has multiplied life in all directions, beyond even our own Earth. Our minds and societies are, at last, becoming reasonably organized, correct and free at an increasing rate. Yet, among us, throughout the world’s cultures, there is one great remaining universal revolution that has only just begun, and that is the equality and contribution of women, more than half of us in so many ways, some yet undiscovered, and yet to be understood, absorbed and truly loved.
–John Roberts

Betty Friedan died yesterday at age 85. My new wife introduced me to a startling new book in 1963 while I was reading The Second Sex, by Simone de Beauvoir, the other great book that set off the revolution. I was a dumb man, but smart enough to know that there was something I needed to learn. More than any other woman, Ms. Friedan stepped forward, wrote her books and articles, gave her speeches, formed her organization (NOW) and made a lifetime crusade of equal rights for women. I respect her because she challenged the unfair system of our society, which millions of others either tolerated or did not know how to change. Others preceded and followed her, but none was more influential in changing the opportunity for women in America.

At this moment, to be feminine is to retain those most wonderful of female qualities while at the same time finding the way to be equal, respected and different in a man’s world. Some women, but few women, are doing this. It is not a question of ability, that has been proven, or a question of opportunity, which is available but limited; it is a question of being totally and completely accepted and functional as they are in their environment, like female fish in the sea.

The feminine revolution of the past half century in America has succeeded, but slowed. There is a partial reversion, as women realize they do not have to become men in order to succeed in roles previously played by men. Some have even decided, now that the work opportunity is available, that they cannot do both, and are returning home to raise their children and husbands full-time, with full self-respect. Others have found a way to do both, accepting some sacrifice. They are free to choose.

The revolution is now sustainable, taught in schools, supported by fathers and colleagues, accepted in society. Young women, now entering adulthood and perhaps the work force, are developing the ability and confidence to counter the prejudice and limitations that remain. But, they will have to continue to fight for further gains as they earn their place. If they are no longer defensive, perhaps they can also accept some need to adjust to the environment that has been built over hundreds of years.

With self-confidence comes acceptance of self and pride in the qualities of femininity. Like other qualities, it takes thought and practice to develop personal strength in work and leadership relationships while retaining female gentleness that a man might not feel obliged or natural to bring to the job. And, we are learning that female thought processes and other ways of doing things may be different but effective. Both men and women have things to learn about working and living with the other, just as they would have to do with someone raised in another culture. It is inevitable that opportunity for women in other cultures, even Islam, will move toward the successful American model. Each will have to find its own way, but the revolution cannot be stopped.